Ok… the purpose of this blog was to get out of my shell. To have a creative outlet through writing that I can express my feelings, thoughts and dreams, and to be a messenger of hope to anyone feeling beaten, frustrated or defeated. So, since my accident in December, hence “When Murphy Calls”, I took what I thought was a creative break, since it was the holiday season and all. Little did I know that my thoughts that I wasn’t cut off to be a blogger would kick in, besides major events in Puerto Rico like earthquakes and now COVID-19. So I apologize to those who expected more for “The Improving Mommy”. But, as the title of this web-page suggest, I am constantly striving for improvement. So, I am happy to be back!

Anyhow, back to the subject; My thoughts got the best of me. Has it ever happened to you before? Maybe second guessing decisions, major life changes, or just simply deciding between Rocky Road Ice Cream or Mint Chocolate Chip at a ice cream shop. Well, not to the extent of choosing ice cream, but you get where I’m going. It may be a symptom of anxiety, and for me, is something that I thought it was normal, but I’ve been constantly working on for two years.

So, how does anxiety “get the best of me”? Well, for starters, I don’t get frequent panic attacks (although there are some instances of excessive crying), rather than I get really frustrated and blocked, and as an immediate consequence, I procrastinate (a lot!). And although people may find it as just laziness, it is actually a constant mental battle of “what ifs” and “maybes” and trying to find logic in what others might just find temporary. I also get really aggravated and angry at my own inaction and slack-offs, and unfortunately I lash out on those that I shouldn’t. Especially at school, as a school teacher. A job that otherwise I love doing turns into making me feel extremely drained and inefficient. Hence, my thoughts right here.

Right now, during this lock-down during the pandemic, anxiety, instead of diminishing, it has gotten to different extents. For example, I try my best not to go out unless my mother calls me. Why? Because leaving the house becomes “What if I get into another accident?”, “What if I get sick?”, “What if I become contagious?” and many other thoughts. But while I’m home, planning my week, “homeschooling” my children, explaining to parents the classwork assigned, correcting, contacting those that haven’t called, among many other events, I get stressed, frustrated and irritated again. I know, maybe I am over-reacting or over-exaggerated, but unless it isn’t explained, unfortunately, I won’t get better.

Now, also major events trigger my anxiety. Take Hurricane Maria in 2017, the Earthquakes this year and now the pandemic. As a mom, I start thinking of my children, how are they coping and if I’m doing the right things so that they are safe and mentally stable. Why are they living these series of events? What will their adulthood look like 15 years from now? Again, excessive worrying and second guessing everything and every event. It is draining.

How to cope with anxiety?

Well, first if this happens to you, get help. Talk to a therapist or doctor about your specific symptoms. Anxiety also includes restlessness, feelings of fear and shame, muscle tension, and isolation (also me). These professionals can help you get the help you need and refer you to specialist to inquire possible treatment.

Another way to cope with anxiety is through creative outlets. I normally crochet when I get mentally stuck. You may draw, paint or color. You can also write about your feelings (hey, like this blog post right here).

Listen to relaxing music, like natural sounds, classical music, or even jazz. I have found that when I listen to soft instrumental music, I concentrate better and I can get tasks done.

Also, make a schedule or a small to-do list. It can be very basic, like wash a load of clothes, or put away a few products that have been out for a while, maybe even washing dishes. And cross off every-single-one of those tasks once they are done.

Don’t be afraid to ask for contact. Hugging and cuddling can help with the over-the-edge feeling, making yourself more grounded. If that isn’t possible, talking to a friend or family member can make you feel better.

And last, but not least, please use and don’t abuse. A morning cup of coffee, or a Friday glass of wine, may be innocent and ideal to manage and calm down. But if one cup of coffee turns to three or you see yourself drinking everyday, it can turn into an addiction and anxiety can become worse.

So, once again, I apologize for this long absence. I recognize that I am a work in progress, and I will once again strive for improving myself.

Thank you for being a part of this and I wish you health and safety during this triggering time.